Sep 25, 2009

Like a lot of 80’s kids, a good portion of my childhood was spent begging for Units and Multiples clothing like tapered leg peg pants, tube belts, square-cut tops and elastic-waist coulottes. The Units brand was featured in its own stand-alone shop that I remember being filled with cubbyholes and stacks of plastic packages of modular clothing. Multiples you could buy in department stores and still came in the plastic bags but wasn’t as exciting of an experience as going in the Units store with those cubbyholes. I think my mom bought Units for herself and got us kids the Multiples but it didn’t matter because both brands had tube belts, the one piece of clothing a 10 year old could put on as a micro-miniskirt and pretend to be sexy Jody Watley in. I looked pretty terrible in all my Units/Multiples clothing, probably owing to the fact that the clothes were basically like workout wear and not too flattering on a budding adolescent with training bra lines and gangly limbs. And also owing to the fact that I usually complemented the ensemble with slouch socks and color-coordinated Keds, braces, a headband with a bow or some sort of 10in long barrette with a bunch of fabric scraps cut with pinking shears and tied to it that my mom and aunt made in the kitchen late at night (right next to the kerosene lamp and communal wash basin in our tenement building). Now that I am older and lazy and more strongly drawn toward wearing pajamas I can pass off as casual office wear at work, I really miss those Units and Multiples pieces but look! One can still purchase them! Straight from the original designer (Sandra Garratt)! And they are still fabulous! Now to buy the jumpsuit w/ zipper and wedge sleeves...

Sep 18, 2009

Jessica Simpson emailed me about her special offer to purchase clip-on bangs. I feel like selling clip-on bangs is a pretty interesting way to make your fortune in the world. And I am 100% positive that a Baptist church somewhere in Texas is going to have a non-alcoholic, zero-tolerance policy for dancing less than an arm’s width apart reception hall built from the sales of those clip-on bangs.

Sep 16, 2009

Things I Remember That Nobody Else Does That I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Making Up But That I've Remembered This Week For Various Reasons

Billie Joe Armstrong refusing to speak with anything other than a British accent
Patrick Swayze’s brother Don starring in Alamo: The Price of Freedom
This interview that Whitney Houston gave one time about how a baseball broke through the window of the recording studio where she was singing I will always love you and how they left the sound on the track

Sep 11, 2009

Just cried at the end credits of Fred Claus during Sinead O'Connor's version of Silent Night. The hormones have got to get themselves under control.
Sometimes I just want to quit my regular job and run a Peace Frogs t-shirt kiosk at the mall.

Sep 3, 2009

Do you have any idea how unendingly frustrating it is to search for the locker room dance scene clip from All the Right Moves and not find one single thing? Not even an image search will provide a screen capture, which is odd because it features a bepimpled Tom Cruise doing pelvic thrusts and sandwiched in between Chris Penn (RIP) and some half-naked man in football pads and a jockstrap, and you would think someone would have totally exploited that by now. PS This blog has now been quarantined by Tom Cruise’s blog-scrolling legal team and will be held in a quadruple padlocked internet jail along with any derogatory Bill Cosby blogs I (allegedly) posted and that one post about Home Shopping Network that HSN found and read at least 12 times.