Nov 21, 2009

Free advice: Do not buy prepackaged hardboiled eggs that come in those resealable bags.
A) They taste terrible.
B) They are only meant for people 85 and older who can no longer boil water properly.
C) If you microwave them and cut into them with a fork they will make a loud POP noise and then explode all over the wall and your clothes and in your hair and somehow in between the blinds and 4 feet away on some paper towels and inside a mug of pens.

Nov 9, 2009

Yesterday I threw up a cowboy sandwich (toast, mayo, scrambled eggs, sausage and tabasco sauce) and got a nosebleed simultaneously. But I didn't start crying until I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was also topless, alone, and out of hand soap. Besides projectile vomiting while driving, this is the second most highly occuring instance in my life.