May 27, 2011

Junk I'm looking at on my desk right now:

Lionel Richie Dancing on the Ceiling CD
Mexican ornaments such as this multicolored tin rooster that will probably give me tetanus someday
This book I got from 1983 kindergarten graduation called What is a Christian? that starts off on the first page with an illustration of a boy in overalls and these words: Jesus is my friend. But He is more than my friend. I belong to Jesus. Jesus sounds like he lured that boy into his car with candy.

May 23, 2011

I don't even know where one would go to purchase suntan pantyhose these days.

I wonder how many of these convention attendees are going to bone each other. I'm sure these ladies didn't get their toenails French manicured for nothing. There are entirely too many daiquiris being drunk here. Why am I still seeing zebra print bikinis everywhere? Why is every woman getting off an elevator drinking a glass of white wine? Why do all the convention ladies look like that Vicki lady on Real Housewives of O.C.?  At least one of these ladies is going to bone that guy wearing the Ricoh's office products golf shirt.

May 13, 2011

Realistically, this pose only occurs in middle school when 3 or more girls need to walk through the mall/buy a tray lunch at school/visit a waterpark.

Image credit: Bob D'Amico/ABC

I'm sorry, but this Charlie's Angels reboot promo photo is a ponytail, pair of boyshorts and one tank top shy of looking like a tampon/acne cleansing commercial. Judging strictly from what I see here, I fully expect there to be lots of bike riding in capris and flat lace-up canvas shoes, dancing in a bathroom/jumping on a bed while simulating singing into a hairbrush, and lots of collapsing on couches while smiling and eating cups of yogurt.

May 6, 2011

I can't believe Schlotzsky's does not figure prominently in more of my dreams.

Marisa Tomei's Holiday Sleigh
Queen Elizabeth
The David Letterman Show
Perez Hilton's Celebrity Cruise Ship
Angel Food Muffins
A Hungry Mogwai in a Backpack
Adrianne Curry and her Baby at a Karl Lagerfeld Fashion Show on Perez Hilton's Celebrity Cruise Ship
Sorority Girls Chanting the Seven Deadly Sins in Cheer Form
A High School Teachers' Parking Lot

Anything is possible in dreams when you're pregnant. Note to self: vegetable biryani and marshmallows are not a good idea at 9pm.