Nov 30, 2012

And also the five jars of night cream I keep next to my bed (in case I need to re-moisturize at 3am because I am 97 years old).

Which fact from tonight proves my old age? 

1. I was late to book club because I couldn't hear the GPS lady telling me to turn left over the Boyz II Men.

2. I was late getting home from book club because my raging case of night blindness caused me to miss my freeway exit. 

Answer: Both

Pinterest is probably going to send the feminist movement back 60 years but let's all be honest here, those crock pot recipes really come in handy.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light or the machine or of blogging from old Blogger templates or whatever! Blargh. You want to know what I've been doing all this time? Posting old Prince videos on my Facebook page. And some other stuff. But mostly the Prince junk. I need to cut ties with the FB folks again soon anyway because nobody wants to play FarmVille anymore, amirite? Joke. I'm going to cut ties because everyone has defriended me for "liking" too many discounts on bauble necklaces and chevron print dresses. BUT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS HOW BADLY I NEEEEED THOSE THINGS! EVERYONE ON PINTEREST HAS THEM! EVERYONE IS DOING THEIR HAIR IN MESSY LOW/HIGH BUNS AND WEARING CHEVRON PRINT AND BAUBLE NECKLACES AND CREATING RECIPE BLOGS WITH BIBLE QUOTES AND ACTIVITIES FOR TODDLERS INVOLVING SENSORY BOXES AND I NEED TO KEEP UP!

Here's a list of FB status updates to catch you up to speed on how I've spent my non-Prince-related time:

New Jack Swing is the greatest musical genre of all time (this is not open for debate).

I wonder if the actors in prescription drug commercials are aware of all the disgusting things being voiced over each scene. Or maybe the director is like, "Just drink the coffee with your daydream face, please. Keep flying that kite. Lady, put on those elastic waist trousers and ride that bike like it's the greatest day of your life."

You know what does not help you to nap? When you overhear your child's unceasing quest to blow a train whistle for 2 straight hours.

COULD a zombie apocalypse baby survive on condensed milk and pinto beans? I don't know. Is it condensed organic milk? 

FACT: It is impossible to dance to Salt-N-Pepa's "Whatta Man" without doing body rolls 75% of the time. (The remaining 25% should be spent doing floor slides in knee pads.)

Does "Cleaning human feces out of the carpet" go under Education or Experience on a resume?