Mar 27, 2013

AGHHHHH! AGH! AGH! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

THIS FISH HAS REGULAR HUMAN BIG PEOPLE TEETH! I am not even kidding with this. It's a sheepshead fish (also known as a convict fish) and it has real teeth! As in, a mouth just like ours if we had rows and rows and rows of molars lodged all across the top and bottom of our mouths behind our regular teeth!  I am going to die in my chair if I keep thinking about this! What is going on in the world?! Who is making these fish? Is it God? Is he angry about all the gay marriage rights chit-chat? Is he angry because human beings are the worst things in the universe and he wishes he never waved his magic wand and made us? Is he angry because we are obsessed with regulating each other and always have to be terrorizing one another? Is he angry because human beings can no longer just chill out and exist and hang peacefully with each other without being all up in each other's private business?  Well cool it, God! Quit making these fish because you are angry! We are all upset! But none of us is making fish with buck teeth and way too many molars about it!

We all know 'God' means Criss Angel, right? 

Mar 11, 2013

Why didn't you tell me about this earlier? We are breaking up.

Sims Gone Wrong

I used to love me some Sims. It would lock up my computer and made it slower than molasses but I loved it. My husband and I never laughed harder than when one of us died from not being able to pee in a toilet and the other one got pregnant and ate a whole bunch of chips and then froze in a very distressing position for several days until I had to uninstall the whole thing. Which I gather is generally what happens with every version of this game. My children are probably alive and well today because I have not yet re-installed it to spend 5 hours a night seeing how pissed off I can make virtual people. Seriously, I had no idea a virtual person could get so angry by not being able to eat pizza because I couldn't drive him to his job to make any money.




Mar 8, 2013

Get out your binder!

And celebrate International Women's Day!

I will celebrate by showing you some of the ABC's of women which I found by typing "women like" in a search box. And then you will probably shake your fist in the air several times in anger (if you are a woman or an enlightened man).  And do a few nods of pride. But unfortunately, there will mostly probably definitely be lots of angry fist shaking.

Surprised to not see "women like aramis cologne" on this list but what can you do 
What about big black bald bearded men like Karl Malone because a lot of women like that 
Of course women like Coco Austin what are you stupid
Raise your hand if you ever liked a douchebag OMG THE SHADOW CAST BY ALL THE HANDS HAS BLOCKED OUT THE SUN I AM ZERO SURPRISED

Women like emotional rollercoasters or women like emotional rollercoasters you need to be more specific here

You know what women really like fat funny feminine guys


Women do like Harriet Tubman

Beyonce, are you Googling yourself again

Women do like Rosa Parks

I bet women do like all these women but not always jazz

TO ANSWER YOUR QUERY NO WOMEN DO NOT LIKE MOST OF THOSE THINGS

HAHA "women who look like zorba" BECAUSE WHO WANTS TO KNOW THAT

If I only have one question this year, I need it to be "what is a v-shape man"



Mar 7, 2013

I wouldn’t give you two cents for all your fancy rules if behind them they didn’t have a little bit of plain ordinary everyday kindness, and a little looking out for the other fellow, too.

I'm sorry, but if I'm going to go through the hassle of watching the news and end up seeing some man talking to Congress for 13 hours, that man better be Jimmy Stewart.