Jul 7, 2014

Nobody needs to finance another specialty condiment or children's bathing suit company

I need someone to invent diaper rash spray, either in pump-action or aerosol form or maybe in one of those cans with the bristle brush on the end like you use to scrub stains out of the carpet. Just some contraption that doesn't make me use fingers. Diaper rash ointment is thick and impossible to wash off because by nature its main purpose is to repel moisture. And let's not talk about how it gets stuck under fingernails. God forbid you get all Jonathan Livingston Seagull up in there and use A&D ointment like it's 1973 because you will never ever ever get that smell off your fingers or be able to eat french fries again. And I'm sure it can't feel good either to the diaper rash-ee to have their vulnerable inflamed undercarriage wiped over and over. Heck, make a bidet that shoots diaper rash ointment instead of water. Why hasn't this been on Shark Tank yet? 99% of the folks on that show are ladies from the Deep South with all kinds of other kid-related inventions and businesses and you cannot tell me that they too are not emotionally exhausted in the ointment department. Southern ladies come in two breeds: the high class foofy ones that like ruffles and $900 crib bedding and the backwoods rednecks who can make a diaper-changing machine with a pork chop and and a beer can. There has to be somebody out there (probably from Alabama or Kentucky, judging from the Shark Tank numbers) who can get this together. I mean, I totally would but I'm too busy tracking Jessica Simpson's wedding stories.

2 comments:

Gleemonex said...

I use a Kleenex, folded twice. Put the disgusting glurge on it -- a big blop of the stuff -- and use the Kleenex as a buffer for application. It is wasteful (someday I'm gonna have to atone for the increase in my carbon Bigfoot-print since having kids), but hell yes it works.

That said -- a spray version would get dollars, perhaps as many as five, from me on Kickstarter or whatever ...

francine said...

My kids get eczema and my daughter (who's I'm positive is spitefully refusing to get totally potty trained until the day before she starts school this fall) still gets a rash if she pees in the car before I can change her or whatever. Going to start using the Kleenex. Ben Gay will probably be in my life forever but diaper rash cream I cannot wait to break up with.