Want to know why I'm not on Twitter you guys and I'm not even kidding? Because 4 years ago I developed exactly 3 followers: Popeyes Big Easy Chicken Bowl*, Kenny Fucking Powers, and my cousin Jamie.
Until I find a less demoralizing platform on which to compose a 140 character sentence and find out what Shaquille O'Neal is up to, I refuse to participate.
*See also this post and this post.
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